Reading...

I know, I know - it's been a 100 moons since the last time I blogged.  I'm writing again!  Excited about that, but that's not what I'm here to blog about today.

I recently begin reading a genre that I really never cared for, erotica.  I say that because in the books I've read there was never any good writing except for maybe Anne Rice's books, but as much as I love her writing - she never fully got me there.  I'm just not into it.

How I stumbled into reading this genre, a good friend told me to read the Fifty Shades Trilogy.  Which I did.  First book good, second book bad, third book better than the second but not as good as the first.  My opinion, bad writing.  I wanted to scream every time I read, "Laters Baby".  Too repetitive, unbelievable things that made my eyeballs roll up into the back of my head and I begin to fear that maybe they would get stuck there.  

I wouldn't call this set of novels true erotica, they are a more watered down version, romance with kink.  The genre is referred to as "Mommy Porn" which is the step-sister to traditional erotica.  So then I figured, maybe I should read other authors in this genre.  To get a feel of what is really out there.  

Same thing.  I did however pick up on an author by the name of Sylvia Day, the author of the Crossfire Series: Bared to You & Reflected in You who is a better writer.  She has a  repetitive bone as well, but it is not as obvious - she is smart enough to throw it in another story and not the series.  I can see her growth from her earlier work to this recent series and I can see me reading more of her work in the future.

But the more I read I noticed other authors changing up their styles to get on the Fifty Shades train and it was sad.  Real sad.  I'm a writer and as much as I would love to be on the NY Bestseller list for weeks on end and to bounce from book signing to book signing and have my book be on the lips of an enormous audience as the best book ever, I cannot change up my writing style to ride on the coat tails of another's success.  Can't do it. 

However there was a surprise waiting for me.  An author by the name of CJ Roberts.  The Dark Duet Series: Captive of the Dark and Seduced in the Dark are awesome reads.  AWESOME.  These books were unlike anything I've ever read.

The writing is great, the story is great.  I had to read both books again and normally I do not do that.  Once I've read a book, I've read a book.  How I usually tell my "gems" are the ones I pick up over and over again.  It wasn't driven by the sex, that was a plus lol, but it was more psychological than anything else.  It was dark, made me feel uncomfortable and intrigued at the same time.  

She didn't take on too many characters.  It was focused and a damn good read.  The first book I read in about 7 hours.  The second book would have been the same way - but I had to force myself to put it down to get some rest.  Still ended up waking up about 2am to attempt to finish it before I had to go to work.  The bummed out part was I couldn't find much else by this author - but I'm waiting patiently. 

I've come up with this summary.  It is worth reading 100 bad stories to get to one great one.  I'm glad I'm that type of reader.  I won't blast any authors out there - because I'm struggling myself.  However I will say this, be true to yourself and to your art.  This genre works its way into pretty much all fiction.  Who doesn't want to read about romance, great sex and adventure?  Still the bottom line is great writing and storytelling - that is the glue, otherwise it all falls apart.

Enemies in Love

When September approaches it will be 10 years that my best friend Brenda Smith went on to greener pastures.  


In that 10 years I have mourned every milli-second of her leaving.  For me, the loss defies description.  There was never any doubt in my mind that she hasn't gone on to something beautiful.  To leave the people she loved the most - it had to be awesome so that in itself brings me some form of peace.


There is not a place today that I can look to or think of that doesn't have some form of memory of her.  Even things and people that occurred after she left.  That's how powerful this friendship was/is to me.  


The day she left was a wake up call like no other, as weird as it may sound the rose-colored glasses truly shattered and people, places and things had such a different look and feel.  Was Bren the rose-colored glasses?  Maybe.


My friendships changed after that.  Some of those understood, some just didn't give a damn.  Which basically translates to some friendships became stronger while others ran their course.  Brenda truly taught me the meaning of the thin line between love and hate (we weren't always friends).  My friendship with her taught me the bad in good people and helped me recognize the  love of an enemy.  


She taught me that some people are worth the fight. She also taught me to not be so quick to judge when you are not the one that has a full understanding of the final plan.  I have to give it to her, that last lesson was the most profound.  There were things in life prior to that I always needed to know why  (why, why and why) I still wonder that, but it doesn't consume me like before.  But get this - this lesson happened the day I realized she closed her eyes the final time.  All the things I questioned suddenly had an answer.  I'm just pissed I had to lose my friend in the process.


I hope everyone has a chance to experience that type of friendship.  Not one based on material and competitiveness.  When it is based on those two things it really isn't a friendship, it is enemies that love one another.  Always that one-upmanship.  Based on envy, jealousy and let's be frank here - hate.


Some people waste a life time on those ill relationships.  My advice - more power to you.  The 19 year relationship with Brenda that ended as painfully as it did I'd take any day over the bullshit friendships I witness. 

• Friends do not count your money for you, monitor what car, clothes and jewelry you wear.  
• Friends do not use you for access to things they wouldn't normally have access to.
• Friends do not have to question your loyalty as there will never be any doubt.
• Friends tell you when you are wrong, but love you anyway.
• Friends know and recognize you are not, will not be the only friend they ever have - that makes this life boring and stagnant.
• Friends teach you lessons with or without knowing it.  Sometimes observing is the best classroom you'll ever sit in.
• Friends see all that is within you and promote you to strive for the best.  Besides your family they are your greatest cheerleader.

People are not perfect, some friendships have sprinkles of the above.  Real friendships work those sprinkles out for the bigger picture.   


If Brenda were here to read this she'd wonder when and where I picked all of this up from her.  My answer to her would be, "observing, observing...".

Antenna with Aluminum Foil... Reception VOID!

After 14 years of locing my hair I decided to get the scissors and be done with it.  I've always viewed my locs as a form of antennae and have come to the conclusion that the reception is no longer clear.

These locs have been with me through the ups and downs; highs and lows.  I believe they carry the weight of my strength and pain. Yet sometimes it is quite alright to let go - and that is just what I've done.

When I first began to loc, I was natural for about 3 months prior to doing so.  My greatest regret is that I felt I loc'd too soon.  That I should have enjoyed my natural hair with different styles prior to taking that leap into locs.  However I wanted locs and had talked about having them at least 10 years prior to taking the leap, so the locs beat out me experiencing dealing with my natural hair.  Well now I'm dealing with it, lol.

I wash it every other day and moisturize, moisturize and moisturize.  I still want to cut more of it off, because approximately an inch of it is damaged from the weight of the locs and coloring.  I'm almost a full month out of the locs and I really enjoy my hair.  I sleep much better the weight and length of the locs do not have to be considered when sleeping.  And I can't wait to start swimming on a regular again - with locs, it can be a task, at least it was for me.

Will I loc again?  Of COURSE! I loved them.  My soul will let me know when it is time to do so.  Right now the my hair wants no constraints - it just wants to be free.

If you are one that feels that Black Fathers are non-existent I feel for you, because mine was there. He wasn't perfect by any means, but he understood the importance of a Father to a Child & did what he could to be there. Knowing him like I do when he couldn't do all that he wanted to for us it hurt him deep, his tough exterior said otherwise, but he was a big softy on the inside & in no way COWARDLY.

He always told me when it was my time to choose my mate (as it is the WOMANS choice) always choose someone like him or better than him (he prefered better).  I've made my mistakes, but what has always brought me back was that advice. So sometimes I'm tough on the brothers because I've actually seen what a man is supposed to be & refuse less than. But he also told me when you have that mentality the weak ones run... He ain't never lied!(or at least not about THAT, lol)

When child-support would dwindle his check to $11 take home - did he give up? No, he hustled LEGALLY, second job, painting houses, cutting grass & STILL provided a home for all of his children to come to & know one another - THATS A FATHER. He never cried "poor me" he knew what he created & made the best of it. THAT'S A FATHER.

Keep in mind, he had 5 daughters, 1 baby momma, 2 ex-wives and a current wife with two step-sons, not to mention playing a huge father role in children's lives that he did not create - so if anybody ever wanted to run, it should have been him - BUT HE DID NOT.   Rest in Peace, Power and Prosperity Daddy - you more than anyone deserve that. Love you to the bone!

- originally written - Father's Day 2011

What is Family?

What is Family? I ask myself that many times a day. This research of mine brings joy, heartache and surprises. However being the person I am I take it as it is. 

I want to know because I NEED to know. If something beautiful can blossom from it I'm ready for it. If it is information that I am supposed to simply document, I'm fine with that too.

Last night I was texting with my Great Grandmother's Brother's Great Granddaughter, lol. So basically our Great Grandparents are siblings. Here you have two people seeking the same thing - knowledge of their ancestors.

But does that make us family?

The blood is there - but does that make us family?

We can talk about names and dates and locations - but does that make us family?

I say yes, because we do share all of that, however if we leave it at just that what will it really mean? You have all of this information that can explain how you came to be, well you - but once you get that what else is there?

I think about my relationship with my sister Kim. We share parents. When we turned 18 and out of the care of our parents we didn't have to speak to one another again. We didn't have to continue a relationship with each other as we were already family - nothing we could change about that. However if I had just left that girl alone when I turned 18 I would have missed out on a lifetime of joy and happiness, irritation and laughter.

Then in the same token I meet a neighbor at the age of 14 and we are arch enemies - as time goes on and we grow up and I realize I am the ying to her yang and it feels as if my mother birthed her too then she is my family. There is no blood there but the bond is not denied.

So I've come to the realization that Family is what you make it. Yes blood and ancestry is a major part - but if you do not work on what solidifies it, you miss out on so much.

My family is a gumbo - rich with all that makes it delicious. Some we see eye to eye and some well lets just say we really have to work on it. One thing I'm blessed in is loving unconditionally. I accept you for you - even if I don't like you, lol. You don't need to be like me. You don't need to think like me. That's all I ask is that you be you and lets work at it... Who knows? Maybe in time you'll be the ying to my yang...