I'm back...
It has been a long time since I've
blogged, so I'll give some clues on what I've been going through since my last
entry of about 4 years ago.
·
I
still read occasional smut.
·
I was
bit by the Sciatic nerve bug about three years ago and I am just now feeling
better.
Smut & Sciatica… Should be interesting?! Well, not really – but get the smut portion
out of your brain. I simply added it for
shock factor. It seems to work for
everyone else – maybe it will work for me? ……... NAH… Okay, on to the REAL!
November 2013, on an early morning while getting
dressed - I bent over to pick up a sock
that I had dropped. I did it the correct
way, bent knees – all of that. But if a
pain that could have only been delivered by the Devil himself didn’t shoot up my
right leg and back and knock me literally to my knees. I then laid on the floor for about 20min until I could
gain the strength to stand up. Slowly I made it (I'd estimate it took me 10min to simply stand up).
Now anyone that knows me, knows I cannot stand Doctors, Hospitals –
none of it. But I hibble-hobbled my tail
right to Kim’s room and told her I needed to go to the hospital right then and
there. She of course jumped out of bed
and handled it. For me to admit it is
time to see a Doctor is a minor miracle in itself.
I was diagnosed with it being Sciatic and given a prescription of
Gabapentin and a list of stretches to do. Oh, and to avoid stairs.
Well the summary of that is this:
I live in a house with two flights of
stairs, my bedroom being on the top floor - you can't just up and move.
I took the meds and half ass-half assed
the stretches. Let me break that down one more time. I HALF ASS-HALF
ASSED the stretches. Which translates to doing them every other month.
I was scared to walk for any length of time <which was NOT me>
which caused me to pretty much become even more of a homebody than I
already had been, because I didn't trust myself walking for long distances or
long periods of time.
Early last year (a year and some change
after the diagnosis) I went to DC for an industry conference, where we had to
run between Houses and speak to various Senators, I was in so much pain,
walking slower than everyone else (something I simply did not do prior to
sciatic) and as I sat on a concrete bench in the cold of DC (it actually
soothed the inflamed nerve) because I no longer had the strength or energy to
walk with the others, I knew then that I had to do SOMETHING.
First I'm overweight. I'd like to
think I'm at least 75lbs overweight. Which in some arenas, is a half of
another person. How that came to be is of course my fault, I purposely
gained weight. I was an average weight teen, but growing up in Oakland, a
girl with meat and curves meant a whole lot. So I purposely ate more,
trying to gain the weight. Never taking in account that even if I gained
weight, I'm not built like my Big Booty Neighborhood Sisters. Had I only
taken a moment to really pay attention to the women in my family, I would have
used common sense and just said no to all of the extra I was eating, because
the ladies in our family are not built that way. <Yes, it is okay to laugh
here, because I am cracking up>.
I'm embarrassed to say I caught a clue by
my very early twenties when I noticed that I really wished my butt was the size
of my gut. By then, it was too late, that weight had kicked in and
clearly is a black belt in Karate, because it keeps on kicking.
Yet - I've always been mobile. I've
never been much of an exercise type of person, but when I've gotten a bit too
big for my taste, I'd always be able to curb my diet a bit and walk it off and
get a good 20lbs off of me.
Well, with a desk job, good and plenty
into my 40's - that sciatic bitch decided to visit. Yes she did.
And I finally felt what it would be like to not be able to move around,
be mobile. I'm single, no children of my own, getting older - um, I need
to be able to take care of myself. I have never been anyone's burden and truly
do not plan to become one. Not to mention a lot of the other symptoms
that come with getting older, the joint pain, not being as spry as you once
were. I feel it now more than ever and I realize it will not get any
better. I need to get my life in order. Health is the true wealth.
Upon my return to California I was
introduced to a trainer and have been working with her for almost a year, I've
been able to keep off 15 of the 28lbs lost. Which is good. I work
out 3 times a week (Mon, Wed, Fri). I admit there are times I'm going
strong, but then I fall off and it is so hard to get back into routine,
but I try and I succeed each time. That is a first for me. That is good. I stretch
more, before exercising and now I do the stretches at home (not as much as I
should) but I do it more than when it was originally prescribed to me.
IT.IS.NOT.EASY. I’m sore as hell as I type this. But I'm committed, I
just wish it wasn't such a struggle - but the way I see it, I have to do it NOW
- the longer I wait, the older I'll get and the harder it will be.
This is what I'm tired of being tired
about. I'm tired of the self-sabotage!!! I want to keep going until I get
to my desired weight. I want to learn how to eat in moderation. I'll do
really well w/ the diet for about 30 days, and fall off for two weeks -
therefore sabotaging all of the work that I put in w/ the exercise. I'm
tired of being tired of this self-destructive roller coaster. It is
exhausting! What is wrong with me?
My Doctor is ecstatic at my new routine and has altered my high
blood pressure medicine. I complain a lot
about the aches and pains – which I’m sure is from all of the exercising (and
getting older, let’s be honest) – because I truly no longer have many sciatic
symptoms <yayyyyy>!!! My wonderful
Doctor explained it is the weight. So
for every 5lbs you lose, it’s like 20lbs being lost on your knees and
joints.
I've realized some things though.
I've realized that sugar plays a big part. Honestly I'm not a sweet tooth
type of person, but I've noticed that because I have convinced myself that I do
not need my drug of choice (white rice and gravy) the sugar bug has turned
sinister. I crave things I never craved before. Pop Tarts <ewww>.
I crave various types of candy that I've never craved before. So
that tells me that this sugar jones is real. It's like substituting one
high for another and I can't. I need my life back. MINE. What are they
putting in this crap? This is NOT pure cane sugar!
So a good buddy of mine, my FB Wonder Twin is in it with me. 1st
step is 10-Day SUGAR DETOX – very hard.
VERY.HARD. As I type this we are in Day Three and this is the day I knew
would drive me crazy. If I can get
through two more days, I think I’ll make it.
I’m just tired of being tired.
I want to live to be a hundred. How amazing would that be? My Grandfather made it to 94 so I think I
have a good chance. I want to run a
marathon. I want get me a young
boyfriend (Hot Thang). I want to ride on a motorcycle
by myself. I want to learn to fly a
helicopter. I want to be able to do all
of these things, but FIRST… I NEED to get this weight off of me. I need to stop with the destruction of
me.
So in order to do that. I
need to make myself accountable. I’m
posting pictures of myself (and I always hate my pics – never was a good pic
taker, lol) as it stands at this moment.
I’ve lost inches from the workout.
I can tell and my clothes do fit a lot looser than they did at this same
weight prior to working out (you can’t really tell as I look like Baby Huey
right now in these pics). These are pics
of myself after I worked out Monday night, so forgive the roughness. I weighed in at 227.8 this morning. It’s coming off y’all. I’m tired.
I’m tired of being tired. I’m
tired of being tired of being tired. Let’s
do THIS…
So until next time, I'm blogging this journey. To remind myself why I need to do this.
