I Want What I Want

Saturday morning evaluating many aspects of my life and I've come to the conclusion, I'm just a ball of confusion.

My eye is on the prize.

The prize - happiness.

The problem?

Me.

I give until it hurts as that is the way i was raised, problem is they never explained how painful that can be.  I'm not talking material here either.  I'm talking of Self.

Bite your tongue when you should let it be free.  Your heart yearns for one thing but your mind tells you something completely different.

Sometimes I wish I was filled with a whole lot of naivete and maybe I could float through life and it not make my head hurt so much, but the veil has been lifted and as easy as it may seem to be naive, the outcome is tragic as to not know is bad and not wanting to know is worse.

See what I mean?  Ball of confusion.

There are people and situations and things that make me Happy.  I'm not ill here.  Still, even with those things that make me happy - the others that don't can crush the happiness real quick.

I dislike unfairness.

I DISLIKE UNFAIRNESS.

I dislike abuse.

I DISLIKE ABUSE.

I dislike ignorance without a light at the end of the tunnel.

I DISLIKE IGNORANCE WITHOUT A LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL.

I say light at the end of the tunnel because I know that not even the smartest of individuals know everything - but they always have that light because they know that there is always more out there.  Some are happy with basking in ignorance.  Some are comfortable in it... and well.  I DISLIKE THAT.

But... who am I to hate on their happiness?

Who am I?

A ball of confusion.

That hates on Happiness that I don't quite get.

So my eyes are on the prize...

I want, I crave Happiness...

The kind I understand
and can bask in
and feel me in
and not feel constrained
confined
just FREE...

woooo SAH...